Friends

Friends. This word just seem so pathetic some times now don't they? Friends can mean so much things. On the other hand, it can actually mean nothing.
Friends are ranged out from stupid assholes to super close and awesome buddies to humans.
Alright. Let me ask this. What are friends to you guys?
I bet most of you would say they're just people we know and hang out with for fun and so on. That some times you help each other. That's kind of all.
Want to know what does friends mean to me?
Friends mean everything to me. They are just like the air to me. No matter how rotten or bad the air smell some times. I've to choke it down. I couldn't just abandon it just like we need air. To be precise, oxygen. When we inhale, sometimes we don't intend to inhale the other gasses, but we're forced to. Just like friends to me. I don't really wish to have and know so many friends. Not that I'm showing off but a lot of juniors would know me. A lot of outsiders would also know me. However, none of them really knows me and accepts me for who I am. I'm just this pathetic and boring guy. Yet nobody really accepts me.
It's really sad to be me.

Last time, when I was 12, I told myself :" Friends matter more than my family. They provided me much more love than my family could." How dumb and naive I am. They do but I forgotten. Not all of them would do so. Yet I'm such a pathetic dumb ass to be hoping such things. Me helping others all the time is a normal thing and seriously everything is like I'm always giving part of myself for people yet nobody's actually giving back to me at all. I don't really ask for something back but what the fuck is with the attitudes? Even last time you guys weren't like this. The more I know you, the worse all of you guys get. The fuck is wrong with all of you? I'm just a nice guy which is nice to bully. This I get but aren't you guys the freaking fucktards to be protecting me all the time last time? Just because of some girls now, all of you are acting like faggots freaking bullying and torturing me.

Friends in the net. They were the best friends I ever had. They all understood me. They were all kind and nice to me so unlike my real life friends. They might be weird or whatsoever in real life. I don't care. At least they accept me for who I am. I feel just like a shadow from Persona 4. Asking people:" Why won't you accept me?" But instead of asking the real self, I'm asking all of my friends. How pathetic I am. There is also this net friend who I thought would be cool if he suddenly transferred to my school. I met him from MapleSEA originally. At first, I sacrificed sitting with my best friend just to sit with him. This is when everything falls apart.

The part when I started sacrificing myself for him. Sitting with him, trying to teach him and so on. Now I'm the one being left out. Trying to ask them for help and they give me reasons. At least now I know I should really rely on myself now. There is nobody out there that I could actually rely on. Everybody is just like showing a mask. Playing around in life. Playing people's feeling, happiness, time and mind. I lost everything.
I really wanna say that form 6.... Form 6 was really the shittiest idea I have chosen after all of them came. I know I would have no friends except for the few. But even the few changed and became assholes to me. Nothing seems good to me anymore. Life in school is just like a life to be screwed. Therefore, I shall conclude here that I shall not treat them with anymore kindness. Being cool and quiet like how most people USED to know me. This is part of me that was very sad when I was with my friends.
See ya happy me, welcome non-smiling me. Hopefully you can handle studies and responsibilities much better than the happy me.